As a man who is in touch with his sexual feelings for men, I have been involved romantically with a number of other straight men in my life. And though they never materialised, because they would break as soon as there was the risk of being exposed/ acknowledged, they were all extremely mutually intense.
One thing I have noticed about romantic bonds between straight men in India, at least, is that when two straight men are so involved with each other, they want to eat together -- from the same plate and katori, that is. And it means a lot to them. It is a sign of their bond, and if one partner doesn't eat with his lover -- like he eats before him or eats with someone else -- it is seen as a big betrayal.
Of course, even close friends eat together, but when there's love involved the flavour of this eating together is different. And friends do not get hurt when the other doesn't eat with them. It is more of a convenience between friends. But it is a matter of preference when love is involved.
All of my lovers made it a point to eat with me. And it has always been such a romantic thing to do together. Eating off one plate -- which symbolised that we were one, when neither of us could acknowledge our sexual or romantic feelings for each other openly. In India, since men's spaces are strong, no one suspects anything when two men so eat together.
One of my lovers was actually heart broken when he had come to live with me all the way from a far off town, and I had to go somewhere, so I ate while he was sleeping after the journey. He was very upset and after that to show his anger did not wait for me before eating... and this in turn really hurt me, I guess because it is such a strong symbol of togetherness here.
My present lover, showed his love to me, by asking another boy who had sat with him to have lunch in the office to move away because I was going to sit with him. Now, others had no idea that we want to eat with each other, and especially why we want to do that. But, here again, while this guy too takes thousands of precautions to hide our love for each other from the others, he would be so open about wanting to eat with me. I mean, when it is impossible for me to hear from him that he loves me, it is through gestures like these that I am reassured of his love for me.
Ankit Sharma, Delhi
Saturday, June 21
Sunday, May 4
A glimpse of the good old days
On the bus today, I saw something that after the intense heterosexualisation of men's spaces in a metero like Delhi, I had not seen for a long time.
On board the bus, two young guys from Punjab -- from lower middle working class got on to the bus which was going from Lajpat Nagar to Sarai kale Khan. It seems, in Punjab, men's spaces are still more or less intact, for these guys, unlike Delhi's heterosexualised guys were very open about Masti, i.e. 'straight' (in western parlance) male-to-male erotic bonding.
The better looking one amongst them (the other one did not look good, but both were macho) kept teasing the other guy with sexual inuendos and kept touching him amourously all over. The other was a bit shy and just kept laughing.
He said things like, "Tu meri jhappi lai raya ye, mai teri kiss levanga!" (You're trying to embrace me -- Now I'll take your kiss!", and then he proceeded to Kiss him and the other guy playfully shoved him away.
Another thing I remember him saying was, when the second one said something like, You're a thief, you've stolen my thing..., to which the other one retorted, "I've not stolen your thing, you've stolen my thing." Upon being asked, what had he stolen from him, he point to his heart and said, "you've stolen my heart!"
And, they were so 'straight' -- which means the majority, regular guys, not one of those fem, queer, meterosexual, gay guys.
Purusharth
On board the bus, two young guys from Punjab -- from lower middle working class got on to the bus which was going from Lajpat Nagar to Sarai kale Khan. It seems, in Punjab, men's spaces are still more or less intact, for these guys, unlike Delhi's heterosexualised guys were very open about Masti, i.e. 'straight' (in western parlance) male-to-male erotic bonding.
The better looking one amongst them (the other one did not look good, but both were macho) kept teasing the other guy with sexual inuendos and kept touching him amourously all over. The other was a bit shy and just kept laughing.
He said things like, "Tu meri jhappi lai raya ye, mai teri kiss levanga!" (You're trying to embrace me -- Now I'll take your kiss!", and then he proceeded to Kiss him and the other guy playfully shoved him away.
Another thing I remember him saying was, when the second one said something like, You're a thief, you've stolen my thing..., to which the other one retorted, "I've not stolen your thing, you've stolen my thing." Upon being asked, what had he stolen from him, he point to his heart and said, "you've stolen my heart!"
And, they were so 'straight' -- which means the majority, regular guys, not one of those fem, queer, meterosexual, gay guys.
Purusharth
Wednesday, October 3
Traditional societies acknowledge this.....
I worked as a trainee DTP operator for sometime in a small magazine house. My immediate superior had taken a liking for me and used to protect me like a mentor. He taught me several tricks of the trade, and generally cared for me a lot. I used to nevertheless have long arguments with him (intellectual arguments) about various social/ political issues, as he had some strong opinions and it was addictive to discuss with him. We once discussed HIV/AIDS and in that context I supported the idea of giving freedom to men to have sex with men. There was one more guy present in the room.
Upon this my superior tried to counter me........ but what he said is really interesting (especially in a world which today aggressively propagates something totally opposite) and I have often heard this especially from the older generation. He said, "if you were to allow men to have sex with men, then all men will start doing this (and he rubbed his hands on the other guy sitting next to him) with each other, and no one will care to go to women.".
It was really amazing and refreshing when I think about it now, because today's heterosexualised people don't acknowledge the truth of universal male sexuality for other men like this. But he grew up in a non-heterosexualised and hence much less manipulated world --- and knew what the situation around male-male sexuality exactly was, and also what the real issue involved here was. He did not flinch to acknowledge that the real motive to prevent men from hooking up with men is to force them to hook with women. At one time, not too long ago --- that is what people widely believed. And you know what, they were damn right.
Now its another matter that he felt that it was important and valid to force men to hook up with women, even though he would only support man-woman sex within marriage. Traditional societies don't have any false qualms of being open, free or fair, unlike hypocrite heterosexual societies.
Purusharth, Delhi
Upon this my superior tried to counter me........ but what he said is really interesting (especially in a world which today aggressively propagates something totally opposite) and I have often heard this especially from the older generation. He said, "if you were to allow men to have sex with men, then all men will start doing this (and he rubbed his hands on the other guy sitting next to him) with each other, and no one will care to go to women.".
It was really amazing and refreshing when I think about it now, because today's heterosexualised people don't acknowledge the truth of universal male sexuality for other men like this. But he grew up in a non-heterosexualised and hence much less manipulated world --- and knew what the situation around male-male sexuality exactly was, and also what the real issue involved here was. He did not flinch to acknowledge that the real motive to prevent men from hooking up with men is to force them to hook with women. At one time, not too long ago --- that is what people widely believed. And you know what, they were damn right.
Now its another matter that he felt that it was important and valid to force men to hook up with women, even though he would only support man-woman sex within marriage. Traditional societies don't have any false qualms of being open, free or fair, unlike hypocrite heterosexual societies.
Purusharth, Delhi
Men love to see nice looking men undressing
I was taking a shoot of two male models for our posters that I was making on behalf of UNESCO. The models were changing their clothes for another shoot right in the public park which was however deserted at that time. It didn't look like a shoot at all, and we looked more like friends strolling in a park rather than doing a shoot. The models, especially one of them had a great body. I stood at a distance and was trying to look away from the models as they were changing and it would not looked decent, even though I so much wanted to have a look.
However, I did notice that three boys --- around 17-18 years of age, had come watching the guys take off their clothes and had sat on a bench nearby. They kept watching him with wide eyes as if they'd been mesmerised. I was amazed to look at their openness in displaying their interest in those beautiful guys(which was surely erotic, the way they were looking).
Needless to say, they were normal, regular teenage guys (i.e. straights), who were friends and lived nearby, not those whom the heterosexual society wants to isolate as "homosexuals".
Just before this park shoot I had worked with about 9 youths who were modeling amaturely. These two models were however exceptionally good looking with gym built bodies. The park shoot involved only two guys so I asked the rest of the guys to leave . But somehow these guys did not want to leave. When I insisted one of them who was quite macho himself said, "but we want to look at their 'body'!" I still made them leave (I don't quite remember why!).
But it was quite interesting that they had wanted so much to look at the naked torsos of these too exceptionally good looking models with great bodies. Sometime around that I saw an advertisement on TV that showed a man getting bored at looking at images of gym toned males flexing their muscles while his girlfriend was enjoying it. That was the beginning of the heterosexualisation of India. An all out attack on Indian manhood to drive it towards unnatural heterosexuality.
Purusharth, Delhi
However, I did notice that three boys --- around 17-18 years of age, had come watching the guys take off their clothes and had sat on a bench nearby. They kept watching him with wide eyes as if they'd been mesmerised. I was amazed to look at their openness in displaying their interest in those beautiful guys(which was surely erotic, the way they were looking).
Needless to say, they were normal, regular teenage guys (i.e. straights), who were friends and lived nearby, not those whom the heterosexual society wants to isolate as "homosexuals".
Just before this park shoot I had worked with about 9 youths who were modeling amaturely. These two models were however exceptionally good looking with gym built bodies. The park shoot involved only two guys so I asked the rest of the guys to leave . But somehow these guys did not want to leave. When I insisted one of them who was quite macho himself said, "but we want to look at their 'body'!" I still made them leave (I don't quite remember why!).
But it was quite interesting that they had wanted so much to look at the naked torsos of these too exceptionally good looking models with great bodies. Sometime around that I saw an advertisement on TV that showed a man getting bored at looking at images of gym toned males flexing their muscles while his girlfriend was enjoying it. That was the beginning of the heterosexualisation of India. An all out attack on Indian manhood to drive it towards unnatural heterosexuality.
Purusharth, Delhi
Peeping Enmasse
I was passing through Anand Vihar Bus stop in east Delhi when I saw a blue line bus grounded because it had developed some technical snag. Many passengers (almost all males) had alighted from the bus and were standing on the pavement. A rather shoddy looking helper guy had gone under the bus to repair it, but no one took notice of him. I came on the scene when an extremely handsome guy of around 21 years was removing his trousers after wrapping a flimsy towel around him. He looked very sexy doing that. I could not but help looking at him and stopping by just for his sake, on the pretext of being an onlooker.
The man got under the bus and lied down to repair it in a way that if you were to peep down there you'd be sure to watch underneath his towel. It was an extremely sexy situation and I could hardly prevent myself from looking under the bus. Actually, it was not easy to look under the bus from the pavement. You'd have to sit down and still need to bend yourself down in order to do it, and it would be very obvious why you're doing it, since the guy was there in a 'vulnerable' situation.
But to my surprise one of the guys standing on the pavements gathered the courage to sit down on the pavement and bent his head to look inside. That was very brave and I knew why he was looking down the bus. Now I had a precedent and I too gathered the courage to bend down and take a peep although momentarily --- I was too embarrassed to do that. However, soon after I had taken a peep, about a dozen other guys standing on the pavement sat down on the pavement itself and started to peek down. It was obvious that they were trying to catch a glimpse of his undies or whatever was beneath his exposed towel. That guy really looked something.
It was amazing how open men still were towards male eroticism in a fast heterosexualising India of 2007.
Purusharth, Delhi
The man got under the bus and lied down to repair it in a way that if you were to peep down there you'd be sure to watch underneath his towel. It was an extremely sexy situation and I could hardly prevent myself from looking under the bus. Actually, it was not easy to look under the bus from the pavement. You'd have to sit down and still need to bend yourself down in order to do it, and it would be very obvious why you're doing it, since the guy was there in a 'vulnerable' situation.
But to my surprise one of the guys standing on the pavements gathered the courage to sit down on the pavement and bent his head to look inside. That was very brave and I knew why he was looking down the bus. Now I had a precedent and I too gathered the courage to bend down and take a peep although momentarily --- I was too embarrassed to do that. However, soon after I had taken a peep, about a dozen other guys standing on the pavement sat down on the pavement itself and started to peek down. It was obvious that they were trying to catch a glimpse of his undies or whatever was beneath his exposed towel. That guy really looked something.
It was amazing how open men still were towards male eroticism in a fast heterosexualising India of 2007.
Purusharth, Delhi
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