As a man who is in touch with his sexual feelings for men, I have been involved romantically with a number of other straight men in my life. And though they never materialised, because they would break as soon as there was the risk of being exposed/ acknowledged, they were all extremely mutually intense.
One thing I have noticed about romantic bonds between straight men in India, at least, is that when two straight men are so involved with each other, they want to eat together -- from the same plate and katori, that is. And it means a lot to them. It is a sign of their bond, and if one partner doesn't eat with his lover -- like he eats before him or eats with someone else -- it is seen as a big betrayal.
Of course, even close friends eat together, but when there's love involved the flavour of this eating together is different. And friends do not get hurt when the other doesn't eat with them. It is more of a convenience between friends. But it is a matter of preference when love is involved.
All of my lovers made it a point to eat with me. And it has always been such a romantic thing to do together. Eating off one plate -- which symbolised that we were one, when neither of us could acknowledge our sexual or romantic feelings for each other openly. In India, since men's spaces are strong, no one suspects anything when two men so eat together.
One of my lovers was actually heart broken when he had come to live with me all the way from a far off town, and I had to go somewhere, so I ate while he was sleeping after the journey. He was very upset and after that to show his anger did not wait for me before eating... and this in turn really hurt me, I guess because it is such a strong symbol of togetherness here.
My present lover, showed his love to me, by asking another boy who had sat with him to have lunch in the office to move away because I was going to sit with him. Now, others had no idea that we want to eat with each other, and especially why we want to do that. But, here again, while this guy too takes thousands of precautions to hide our love for each other from the others, he would be so open about wanting to eat with me. I mean, when it is impossible for me to hear from him that he loves me, it is through gestures like these that I am reassured of his love for me.
Ankit Sharma, Delhi
Saturday, June 21
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